I usually enjoy General Conference weekend and there are always a few talks that stand out to me, but this past weekend was different. I felt like Elder Ballard was speaking directly to me. And I guess he was since his talk was addressed to young mothers. I loved what he said about living in the moment. I think it's nearly impossible, yet rewarding I imagine. It's been hard for me to adjust to being at home and being a mom. I love it and it's amazing, yet it's hard to not feel alone, lonely, and unproductive all day long. It's hard to just savor the time I spend with CB just holding him, feeding him, and enjoying him.
I am a big list person. I make checklists and check things off and feel productive as I do it. When I was younger I even used to make timed lists, i.e., 8-8:05 make bed; 8:05-8:30 eat breakfast, etc... The mission schedule was heavenly to me. The structure and the productivity is what I crave. Before CB was born I had my routine down: wake up at 5:30, shower, go to work, go the gym, etc... So the shock I experienced when he was born is indescribable. I didn't know what to do with myself. When he would fall asleep I'd try to run through lists in my head of things I could do to be productive. Work on his baby book, vacuum, mop, etc... So Elder Ballard's talk was exactly what I needed to hear. I don't want to be like
Anna Quindlen who has regrets about when her kids were small. I want to remember what we ate at the picnic in the photo. So that's my goal: to enjoy the time he's young and dependent on me for everything and to take time to savor and remember all the details.