Sounds of play

Almost every afternoon, around 4pm after naps and after snacks, I prep and cook dinner while listening to glorious sounds of play. Today it's coming from upstairs as tigger and baby roo ride the tractor around the little town we built yesterday. It is as I listen to this that I consider homeschooling for the first few years. Next year would be the last year boozle can do preschool before starting full-day kindergarten! I can't stand the thought of full-day kindergarten nor can I stand the thought of him being gone next year for preschool. He's still learning how to be the best big brother. He still craves hours to run around and tell story after story to anyone that will listen. He is still perfecting how to build the train track and the street together. To preschool or not to preschool: so many decisions for a mama to make.

Ex.haus.ted

When I accepted my per diem position at the hospital it was with the understanding that I didn't want to work more than 10 hours/week max. I didn't want it to take away from the time I have to nurture, teach, and learn from my babies. In the past 2 weeks I've worked 34.5 hours. Yes, if you divide that by 2 it's definitely more than 10. And it's amazing how much of an impact it has made on me. A coworker was out of town for a month so we all took a few of her shifts but it has definitely taken its toll. I work until 11 pm, come home, get to sleep by midnight, and the past 2 nights have been awoken at 2:22 am with reports of wet sheets and pajamas. So after changing the sheets, cleaning up my big boy, and re-tucking him in, I go back to bed, only to lie there for close to an hour as I try to get back to sleep. 6:45 am the day starts all over again. On top of that there have been big changes happening here with our landlord getting ready to sell our house, us trying to decide what to do, etc...

I've never been a night person. Even in college I was the one that would go to bed early, mid-party or not. I love sleep. I think I always have. And up until now I've never had a problem getting to sleep nor falling back asleep. So the 5-ish hours of sleep I've been getting a night have been slowly but surely wearing me down. All to come to their peak this evening. After a very long day, the boys and I came home at 7:15 (usually their bedtime) and they were instructed to take their clothes off, put pajamas on, etc... After a few tantrums, some whining, and some arguing, I gave the ultimatum that if they couldn't cooperate, they wouldn't get any books. Some more orneriness followed so they were both put to bed without books; Boozle was sobbing and Lincoln singing and talking to himself. I felt so bad that all the stress and exhaustion had led to me depriving us all of our best time of day. It's the time we snuggle together and read books and where I am most grateful to be a mama. I went back upstairs to his room about 3 minutes later to apologize that I was so stressed out and that we couldn't read books because he didn't obey, but we still could snuggle for a bit and he was already asleep. Apparently boozle was also exhausted.

When I have days like this, I always look back and realize I didn't go running today nor did I take any time to breathe deeply. For me, these two things make it possible to be a patient mama. And when it doesn't happen, I feel terrible. Instead, tonight I'll go to bed early, wake up early and go for a run, and pray for two sweet little forgiving boys to greet me in the morning.

Welcome home

Last week we proudly welcomed 2 of these into our home.

Two midcentury Ethan Allen vintage chairs, courtesy of our local Craigslist. They are extremely comfortable, well-made, and the perfect size for our little cozy house. Can't wait to learn to reupholster them and unveil their fabulous potential. I've definitely got my work cut out for me with these.

Can't Believe I Made It

It seems like today was a very hard today for a lot of my fellow mamas. For some reason, today was not a hard day for me because my boys were such sweet boys and because of this, I feel very blessed and reflective today. At one point today, we were at playgroup and I looked over and my boys were sharing crackers while Boozle had his arm around L. Such a tender boy.

If you would have asked me a year ago if I ever thought the day would come that my day would glide by and be filled with playing, fun, creativity, and sharing, I would have said no way. When L was a little baby, I was so completely overwhelmed I felt like there was no light at the end of the tunnel. Two babies under the age of 2 was just too much for me on many days. Luckily I have a dear friend that came to my rescue many times, watching them while I took a shower and cleaned the bathroom, taking them to the park so I could run two errands on the same day (!!) etc...

Today I got a text message from a first-time mama friend with a newborn baby saying, "Thank you so much. I hope you don't take this the wrong way because I don't think you're old, but you've been like a mom to me." It made my heart swell and it made me think of that dear friend was like a mom to me when I had Lincoln. Everyone living far from family needs that "mom" friend: the one that offers the exact bit of advice you need that day, the one that gives you a breath when you feel you're drowning. I recently read this article and it brought back so many memories. I absolutely love the line that says:

"When I had only one child, she was so heavy. Now I can see that children are as light as air. They float past you, nudging against you like balloons as they ascend.

Dear mother, don’t worry about enjoying your life. Your life is hard; your life will be hard. That doesn’t mean you’re doing something wrong—it means you’re doing it right."

And, although not every day by any means, today I feel exactly this: my children are floating past me with their strong spirits leading them along and I am extremely grateful to be able to watch the ascent.

Extremes

How is it that in one day my babies can be stealing every possible toy from each other and fussing about it every time and 10 minutes later can be hugging each other in a box, never to let go? It's the latter moments I hope to remember and the former I hope to forget.

A Bit of Cheer

To quote Boozle, "A flower needs 3 things: sun, water, and soil," which he learned in our seed plant class at the Frelinghuysen Arboretum. And today we put that fact to the test as we filled my new Mothers Day sunny window boxes with soil and flowers.


Then, after we were done, Boozle loved dumping the water on them and watching it run out the bottom. Thanks to the green thumb of Oma, I think they just might add a bit of cheer to our porch.




So so happy that spring is here!

Happy Easter

Blue was the theme of the day today: crystal blue warm skies, Reese's peanut butter eggs wrapped in blue for Boozle to devour, a new blue and white Easter shirt for Boozle, and of course the knitted blue owl vest for Big Baby. I always love Easter Sunday. Spring is in the air and the Easter hymns and messages at church spoke to my soul. What a glorious time of rebirth and renewal and what a gift Jesus Christ gave us all. For this I am introspective and thankful today.

happy easter!
love,
the nilssons